


Sir Gawain's Daily Schedule

by WildwoodQueen



Category: Arthurian Mythology
Genre: Historically Inaccurate, Humor, Implied Relationships, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:48:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26233696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildwoodQueen/pseuds/WildwoodQueen
Summary: Just a typical day in the life of Sir Gawain, complete with feasting, questing, jousting, and of course, horse grooming.
Relationships: Gawain/Lancelot du Lac (Arthurian)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 25





	Sir Gawain's Daily Schedule

5.00 AM: Wake up. Attempt to recall any dreams experienced. 

5.05 AM: Realise that the previous night’s dream included a certain knight in green and copious amounts of kissing. Attempt to eradicate said dream from memory. Once this has been achieved, put on green sash. 

5.20 AM: Receive breakfast from that kitchen boy and wonder why he seems familiar. 

6.00 AM: If it's not raining, stand outside in the sun for a few minutes and feel strength increase. Flex muscles. If it is raining, stand outside for even longer in order to gaze stoically into the distance. Then return indoors and insult Kay (preliminary insults only). 

6.20 AM: Pet Gringolet.

6.30 AM: Brush Gringolet’s mane.

6.40 AM: Tell Gringolet that he is a good horse. 

7.30 AM: Sit down at Round Table, eyeing the Siege Perilous suspiciously. 

7.35 AM: Time to properly insult Kay! When he retaliates, pretend not to hear. If he then expresses anger at being ignored, smile disdainfully and make a wise statement about the true meaning of knighthood. If he does not, ignore him even more pronouncedly until he does. 

7.45 AM: Put on armour.

7.50 AM: Help Gringolet put on his armour (Note to self: should I get new armour for him? I think so. Must speak to the blacksmith about this.)

8.00 AM: Ride out into the wilderness in search of adventure and glory and honour etc. etc.

8.05 AM: Take a break to allow Gringolet to graze on yummy wilderness flora. 

9.00 AM: Encounter a damsel, aka The Quest Dispenser, standing at a crossroads/at the edge of the woods/under a pavilion (circle as appropriate). Listen to her story. 

9:05 AM: Vow to retrieve her missing item/person/pet (circle as appropriate).

10.00 AM: Encounter a knight on the road. Notice that his shield is covered with a cloth. Wonder why he seems familiar. (Note to self: I must work on my ability to recognise people without their shields. Tomorrow, I will start memorising “faces”)

10.05 AM: Begin to joust Mystery Knight.

11.00 AM: Continue jousting.

11.30 AM: Lunch break. Give Gringolet an apple.

11.35 AM: Resume jousting.

12.00 PM: As noon approaches, feel my strength peak, then decline. Realise the futility of jousting Mystery Knight. 

12.05 PM: Make peace with Mystery Knight. Watch him dramatically remove his helmet. 

12.10 PM: Hug Lancelot. 

12.15 PM: Decide to abandon own quest (temporarily, of course) in order to help Lancelot. 

12.20 PM: Help Lancelot free a damsel.

12.25 PM: Help Lancelot free another damsel.

12.30 PM: Help Lancelot free a castle that is somehow full of damsels.

12.40 PM: Time for the difficult post-rescue work — helping the damsels return to their original castles. (Note to self: Damsels are extraordinarily self-sufficient and they will just work together to coordinate their return voyages. Nonetheless, don’t just ride off and leave them stranded because then they will complain to Guinevere and you’ll be grounded.)

1:00 PM: Resume original quest. Talk strategy with Lancelot in order to approach this quest in an organised and intelligent manner. 

1:05 PM: Tell Lancelot to spin around and point in a random direction. Then ride in that direction. (It saves time.)

1:30 PM: Listen to Lancelot as he suggests that we might be lost. In response, nod sagely but say nothing. 

2:30 PM: Vehemently deny that we might be lost. 

2:35 PM: Realise that we are definitely lost and despair at ever completing the quest. Make Lancelot swear an oath to look after Gringolet in the event of my untimely death. (Gringolet will have to do the same for Lancelot. But I already knew that.)

2:40 PM: Continue wandering aimlessly.

4:00 PM: Encounter a hermit in the woods who speaks in parables. 

4:05 PM: Try to decipher what he is saying.

4:10 PM: Eat the disgusting gruel that he serves. Be courteous and say it’s delicious (which is easy for me to do because my acting skills are excellent, unlike Lancelot, who wouldn’t be able to keep a secret to save his life.)

4:20 PM: Listen to the hermit tell a long convoluted story about some kind of cup.

4:40 PM: Listen to the hermit tell a long convoluted story about… (I tend to zone out around this part. I think it was something like the Fish King, or the King of Fish? Not sure. Anyway, thank you hermit for this weird mental image that will stick with me for ever and ever.)

4:50 PM: Finally persuade the hermit to skip ahead to the important bit: the location of the Quest Dispenser’s missing item/person/pet (circle as appropriate). 

5:00 PM: Exit the hermit’s hut, having been emotionally blackmailed into packing some of the gruel for the journey. 

5:10 PM: Consider feeding the gruel to Gringolet but decide to be merciful. 

5:30 PM: Reach a mysterious castle guarded by 30, or 50, or 100 knights. 

5:35 PM: Watch Lancelot utterly demolish them.

5:40 PM: Enter the castle while taking care not to step on anyone’s body. 

5:45 PM: Retrieve the missing item/person/pet (circle as appropriate). Don’t bother wondering how it got there, ‘tis just the nature of the Quest. 

6:30 PM: Return it to the damsel/Quest Dispenser, who has somehow not moved an inch in all this time. 

6:40 PM: Encounter some knights on the road.

6:45 PM: Realise that they are my brothers! (Note to self: Be nice to Mordred, because he always looks so damn sad. I wish I knew why.) 

6:50 PM: Tell them a glorified version of the quest so that rumours of my bravery can arrive in court ahead of me. (Note to self: Lancelot tends to become very mopey and sad upon completing a quest. Be sure to pump up his feats as well, i.e. if he actually rescued fifty damsels then say he rescued a hundred. That way, everyone will be extra impressed but he won’t notice the change. Once, I added some giants and dragons into the mix. He didn’t even notice that. One day I’ll figure out what’s up with him.)

7:00 PM: Feel strength wane as the sun sets. Lean against Lancelot for the rest of the journey. 

7:30 PM: Arrive back at court. 

7:40 PM: It’s Gringolet’s bedtime. Remind him again that he is a good horse. 

8:00 PM: Sit down for supper. Impress Arthur with tales of my daring. Ignore any eyerolls from Guinevere. 

8:10 PM: Insult Kay (or not? He’s a good man. But also very annoying. Maybe I should cut him a break. Oh well, I’ll decide tomorrow.)

8:30 PM: Say goodnight to everyone. But especially Lancelot. 

9:00 PM: Go to sleep and try not to think about the Green Chapel.


End file.
